Last night I attended a monthly women's gathering at our church. A couple hundred of us were blessed to hear a message on "Lies We Believe About Relationships." (The points of the lesson are borrowed from our women's event combined with my own personal take-aways/convictions/thoughts).
Lie #1-The person/people I am in a relationship with is "normal."
Isn't it funny how we view certain folks (or worse yet--ourselves) as normal. The fact is, we are all "broken people." Often times, my default is to quickly judge a person's attitude, decisions, way of life, choices...etc. And thankfully, God usually humbles me. I remember once being so annoyed at someone for not helping me with a task that was wearing me down. A few days later, I learned that this person had been helping someone else. Romans 3:23 says, "All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory." So when I'm quick to think I'm normal and others aren't...remember that I'm just as much of a broken mess as the next person.
Lie #2-If the relationship is "right" it will be "easy."
The enemy aims to convince us that if we have to work at a relationship or friendship, then we must be with the wrong person. For me personally, I have kept Ephesians 6:12 in my heart as a weapon against these thoughts. Paul says, "For our struggle is not against flesh & blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world..." It may sound creepy, but Satan is real and his goal is to destroy our relationships. One of his subtle and sneaky tactics is to convince us that we should bail out on any relationship that requires some work.
Lie #3-I shouldn't have to change.
This lie only makes sense, right?! It is so much easier to focus on what others need to change rather than accepting that just maybe God might be asking us to alter our behavior, attitude, decisions...etc. Even when someone has genuinely wronged me, it might be wise to look more at what God is teaching me through the trial rather than let the enemy convince me that the other person NEEDS to change to make it all better for ME.
Lie #4-The person I am in a relationship with can & should meet all of my emotional needs.
This was the ZINGER for me! I was convicted at the thought of how many years my husband heard me gripe about his lack of romance. Truth be told, it was a church counselor that helped me to recognize that I was looking at some things with the wrong perspective. For starters, my relationship with God is supposed to be where I run for fulfillment. But also (from a practical perspective), I was missing the point that my husband expressed his love in other ways that I wasn't recognizing because I was too busy focusing on his lack of romance. This lie impacts us all differently, but the bottom line is that we need to avoid placing expectations on others. It only sets us up for disappointment and strains the relationship.
Lie #5-I am owed.
This feeling comes from a variety of reasons. We work hard and we want a reward. We put up with a person's wrong doing and so we view them as being indebted to us. We do an act of kindness for the purpose of wanting something in return....etc. This lie got my heart thinking about Jesus' sacrifice. In Romans 5:6-8, we are reminded that Jesus died for us while we were STILL sinners. The next time I feel entitled, I need to reflect on the fact that we have a Savior who took on the cross for all of us and He did so without ever expecting anything (except loving Him and others) in return.
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